Nope, I won’t do it again - I’m trying to save up for a place in the woods! All right, fuck it, BUY THIS INSIGHTFUL T-SHIRT AND I’LL DONATE 90% OF THE PROFIT TO CHARITIES DEDICATED TO THE SPREADING OF PEACE THROUGHOUT THE GLOBE. If I don’t start thinking up more lowbrow t-shirt designs quick, I’m going have to train a Hawk to find me some grub! Remember, each socially responsible, funny t-shirt we sell is a custom t-shirt made to order just for you.

Do the right thing and buy the t-shirt you stingy prick/bitch, not only will you increase your standing with the powers that decide upon the fate of your afterlife, but by wearing it, you’ll also be able to fool humans who you might want something from, into thinking that you’re actually a decent person!