AQUA – All right, listen up. This is why it all really went down the way it did that fateful day in Dallas: The decision to allow Las Vegas developers the opportunity to eventually grow the city to the level where it would consume quantities of water that would cause the depletion of environmentally safe, sustainable levels in the west. Kennedy was against it, but Jack Ruby and his mob connections wanted it, and so did the Russians, who sent in both gobs of money to coerce lawmakers, and their American defector Oswald to help the mobs gunmen do the trick. The mob was thinking about making a relatively quick buck despite the consequences; the Russians were making a long term strategic move, they knew that the powers of the U.S would be badly compromised if the west coast states were engaged in a war with each other over water. It didn’t have to happen over night, because it would surely be worth the wait when it did. Who said that the cold war was over? The Russians had so many juicy insights about everyone on the Warren commission, including Arlen “magic bullet” Spector, that the commission was forced to come up with their implausible explanation of the assassination and give it to the American public. There, you have it. Can we now, finally, move on with all of our attention to Bigfoot please? Remember, each conspiringly cool t-shirt we sell is a custom t-shirt made to order just for you.

Speaking of remembering, I just remembered to tell you to not forget to check out all of our other refreshing lines of funny t-shirts soon so you don’t forget to do it!