6 Former sex machine t-shirt

Price: $24.95

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Don't laugh, this is serious shit. These portentious threads are a warning to those naive consumers of societal pressure, who think that they're thinking about marriage, but obviously aren't. For if they were, they'd be taking the fifty thousand dollars they are going to piss away on a four hour party and investing it something better than the equivalent of a spent oil well. This truthful t-shirt is based upon years of hearing literally everyone I know that's married talking about how they get laid as often as we elect a new president; and their approval rating of the act is even lower than that of the imbecile who's currently sodomizing us from the oval office (on second thought, who's the imbecile?). Remember, each sexually charged t-shirt we sell is a custom printed t-shirt made to order just for you.

Speaking of how pathetic we are, there is now a version of gatorade that is made with artificial sweeteners! Since Gatorade was originally formulated to be consumed by people who are engaged in vigorous exercise, why would you give a shit about ingesting the two hundred calories from energy providing carbs contained in an entire quart when exercising vigorously? Which version do you think Roger Federer is going to be drinking during his next appearance in the finals of a tournament? Why are you drinking it if you aren't exercising or sick in bed and dehydrated? Oh, I forgot, the same juggernaut of media bullshit that decided for you that you need to get married, also paid a few famous athletes to help your subconscious realize that you needed it. My bad.

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